Glow
by PineappleIce
Summary: [Postmovie Chastine] John can't come to terms with the loss of Chas. As he discovers his feelings for the teen ran deeper than he knew, Chas returns to the earth to fix John's life. But how will he react to John's new romantic interest... in him?
1. one

**Author's Note: **I really badly got hit by a plot bunny after watching Constantine. This is **_Chastine_** so don't read it if you feel you may be offended.

I'm writing this as a long story, but each chapter is going to be written in drabble style. This is to help form John Constantine's thoughts. This is set after the movie.

Reviews will be very appreciated and I hope you enjoy!

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The first thing John Constantine noticed when he woke up was that his bedroom was silent, and the only smells on the air were that of old smoke and alcohol.

To many people, this would not be a strange thing. But to John, it broke his heart. He had never realised how much he would miss waking up to the scent of bacon sandwiches and tea brought in every morning by a loud, slightly annoying but still cute, curly-haired youth.

"Fuck." John groaned and closed his eyes against the weak sunlight fighting in through his curtains.

Ironic really, that after all he had done to fight against his fate of going to Hell, now he had another chance at life he couldn't see the point. Not without Chas.

He wanted a cigarette. He badly wanted a cigarette. He had given up the day Chas had died.

The day Chas had died. So much more had happened that day, but that was all that remained in John's mind.

Two weeks without Chas. Two lonely weeks. Every day, John would wake up, and he'd be fine in the morning. By afternoon the shouting would come. The anger, the hurt. He would scream himself hoarse. After that, only tears were left, raw emotion pouring down his cheeks.

Then came the drink.

John had a hangover now. He slid out of bed, padded into the kitchen, the air cold against his bare chest and legs.

Filling a glass with water, he remembered watching his apprentice do the same so long ago, his shiny brown curls hanging in his face, which was dark with disapproval. He had dropped the aspirin in with a cluck of his tongue, but had made no comment as to John's hangover. Then, he had held John's nose as he drank it with a shudder.

John dropped the aspirin in himself today. He watched the water fizz. He had always hated taking aspirin.


	2. two

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the review! Here's more angsty John goodness.

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As he dressed before the bathroom mirror, John realised he looked more grey than before, his skin grey, his eyes grey. Grey, grey, grey. It was all grey now... it was as though Chas had taken the colour from John's world with him.

The phone rang. John ignored it. It would only be Angela, ringing to make sure he was alright.

He missed Chas calling him. In their rare spells apart, the youth's bubbly voice spilling out of the phone had warmed John's stone heart.

Chas had been a good friend.

Just a friend.

John glared at his reflection. "Just a fucking friend."

He opened the drawer under the cabinet, reaching in for the toothpaste. His eyes found a battered packet of cigarettes. He wondered how long they'd been there. He didn't remember them.

Cravings rose up.

No. He closed the drawer quickly, forgetting the toothpaste, and returned to the kitchen. The phone was still ringing. God, couldn't she just give up?

She had called once before, a week ago. She had said something about hiding the Spear. John hadn't cared.

He hadn't left the house since the day Chas died.

Still the phone rang. He snatched it up.

"Constantine."

"Hello, John, it's Angela..." And then she was off, speaking quickly, words that never entered John's head. It was just buzzing. He remembered being attracted to Angela. Now all he thought of was Chas.

That meant... No. He wouldn't let himself think that. It wasn't true.

"Angela. I have to go."

He clicked off the phone.


	3. three

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the review! I'm glad people are enjoying and reading this. Please leave a review, and I hope you like this chapter!

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The smell of bacon brought a rare smile to John's lips. It was but the ghost of a smile, faded and empty, but still a smile. The afternoon was nearing. Grief was coming.

John turned the bacon over and turned his attention to the bun. He had tried to slice it neatly, like Chas used to, but it looked jagged and ugly. He squeezed tomato ketchup on it, remembering the fond way Chas used to use a butter knife to spread it over the bread.

He wondered how he remembered in such detail how Chas used to do things.

Surely the memories of the way his curls used to hang on his forehead, the way his nose used to wrinkle, confirmed his fears?

"No fucking fears," John growled.

The bacon was burning.

"Fuck."

John didn't bother trying to save it. There was no point.

Turning the stove off, he lifted the slimy, greasy bacon and placed it into the bin. It burned his fingers as he did so.

Once before, he had burned his fingers on the kettle. He remembered Chas holding his hand under the cold tap, remembered calling the boy all sorts of names because of the stinging. He remembered Chas refusing to let him move away from the water, despite the harsh names.

John felt bad.

Why had Chas had to die before John had a chance to apologise?

"Fuck you, Chas," John sighed, knowing he didn't mean the words.

Then he sank against the wall.

Then he realised what he had lost.

Then the screaming began.


	4. four

**Author's Note: **Thank you for another excellent review! I'm glad people are enjoying this so much. At the moment I have written up to Chapter 8 and am in the middle of Chapter 9, so don't worry, even if I get lazy there'll still be some new content for you to read. Please review!

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The morning came again. Time meant little to John these days.

Sharp knocking at his front door.

He sat up suddenly, heart racing. Sometimes... sometimes Chas had knocked early in the morning, when he had locked himself out.

It wasn't possible.

"No, John, it's not fucking possible," he growled to himself.

More knocking.

John couldn't ignore it. Getting up, he went to the door slowly, unlocking it. He pulled it open.

"John." Angela stood before him, dressed smartly, apparently unfazed at finding him in his boxers.

John felt a strange lump in his throat. He had hoped so badly to find Chas standing there.

"We need to talk," she said.

"Not now."

"John-"

"I said not now." There was a time when John had wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Now he only wanted to kiss one person.

Fuck, he hadn't just thought that, had he?

"John, people say they can hear you screaming. Nobody's seen you leave this place since... since..."

"So?"

"What's going on, Constantine?"

John didn't fucking know. He looked blankly back at her.

"You're the great John Constantine."

"I'm the great John Constantine," he repeated numbly, the words unconvincing. "The great fucking John Constantine." So great he couldn't even save Chas.

"What's going on?" she asked again, then lowered her head. "I don't know you anymore."

"You didn't anyway." Only one person ever had.

"John, I'm coming in for coffee. And we're going to talk." Angela pushed her way past him, and he glared at her, hating her because she wasn't Chas.


	5. five

**Author's Note: **Again, reviews appreciated! Thanks everyone who has so far. This chapter contains a bit of violence, and I have to apologise for the excessive use of the F-word in this fic. Still, enjoy and review!

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John watched Angela making coffee. She did it carelessly, not like Chas.

"You seem distant," she observed.

He sat down at the table, silent.

"You did it, didn't you?" she asked. "Saved the world and all? So why be like this?"

John had a hangover and the smell of coffee made him feel sick. Angela placed a mug down before him and sat down beside him, sipping her own.

"It's because of Chas," she whispered suddenly, "isn't it?"

"Don't." John couldn't stand to talk about Chas. Too many things would come spilling out, revealing things he feared himself. "Fucking don't."

"John... I've lost someone too."

John growled. "It's not the same."

Angela was silent. She took a long drink of coffee, then placed her mug on the table, cupping it in both hands. "John..." she said finally. "What happened to you?"

"Fucking nothing."

"Please don't shut me out." A single tear traced down her cheek.

"Why the fuck not?"

"You know I love you." The words seemed to surprise even Angela herself, but it didn't stop her leaning over to John and capturing his lips in a kiss.

John didn't know what was happening. He kissed back, eyes closed, wishing for all the world it was Chas' curly brown hair in his fingers instead of Angela's.

But it wasn't, it fucking wasn't, and he tore and bit and savaged.

Angela gave a muffled cry and tried to free herself from his kiss. He didn't release her until he tasted blood, and she scrabbled back, her lips swollen and bloody, her hair tatted and messy. And she knew.

"You loved _him_, didn't you?"

John closed his eyes. "Get the fuck out, Angela."


	6. six

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to all readers and reviewers! Warning: it gets a little mushy here. Enjoy and review!

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John had one picture of Chas.

It was a black and white photo of the boy, one John had obtained when he was looking for more information on him before taking him under his wing. Even though, John reminded himself bitterly, he had always kept Chas just on the edge of his wing.

It was a close-up. Chas was a couple of years younger on it, smiling in a warm happy way. His hair was longer, hanging messily in his face. His eyes held so much life.

"Chas." John held it, sitting on his bed.

He had let the boy down. Chas had trusted John to look after him.

John had trusted himself.

The sun was setting outside. There were no tears left inside John. He just held the photo.

"I loved _him_?" John repeated Angela's last words quietly. "Of course I didn't... that's fucking wrong... it's fucking _Chas_, John." But something inside his head mocked him.

On the photo, Chas smiled up at him. There was no mocking in that smile, only the innocence John had taken away.

He was a fucking kid.

"If I'd loved him," he reasoned with his mind, "wouldn't I have fucking kissed him?"

John had wanted to badly kiss him before, he remembered, when he had been kissing Angela.

"No fucking way," he said hopelessly.

John Constantine didn't love people. It just didn't happen.

"Fuck." John understood what he felt and knew he was in too deep.

He raised the photo to his lips and gently kissed it.


	7. seven

**Author's Note: **Probably the nicest chapter end I've written is in this one- guess who it is? I got a nice glow when writing this! Thanks for the interest in this story and remember to leave a review!

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John loved Chas.

What was he supposed to do? The night engulfed him, choking him, drowning him.

He was alone, in love with a dead man.

He poured out a glass of whiskey, sitting at the table to drink it. What else was there to do?

"What the hell do I do now?" he asked the empty apartment.

No reply. John scoffed and swigged his drink, draining it. He refilled the glass expertly. He was no novice to sitting like this. In the past, he would have smoked whilst drinking.

The cravings rose up again.

He shouldn't. He had to fight them. He had been given a second chance- he couldn't screw it up.

Was there really any point fighting it? He was dying inside anyway.

It didn't take more than a minute for him to collect the cigarettes from the drawer in the bathroom and the lighter from his bedside table. He returned to the table, pulling out a cigarette.

"You're an idiot," he told himself bluntly, examining it closely in his fingers.

But what else was there to do?

He had nobody. No family. He had pushed Angela away. And Chas... Chas...

There was nothing. No reason to not smoke.

He raised it to his lips slowly, resting it there. Comfort came from the mere feeling of having a cigarette clamped in his mouth.

John reached for the lighter.

The voice which filled the room was not his own, but one equally familiar. "I thought you'd given up, asshole."


	8. eight

**Author's Note: **John gets a little soppy towards the end of this chapter. A little OOC I suppose, but you do have to remember he is in love with Chas, who has been dead for two weeks, and this is a great shock. Enjoy, and please review!

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John would recognise that sweet, honey-toned voice anywhere, even though he hadn't heard it for two weeks. The cigarette dropped from his lips as he turned to look at the dark, shadowy corner it had come from. "Chas."

There was definately a figure in the dark, though it was impossible to make it out. "Alright, John?" Chas asked.

John could only stare. This couldn't be true. This was some trick of the Devil's. He rose slowly, stiffly, defensively, and stared. "Who are you?"

"You know who I am," came Chas' voice lightly. Even in the dark John knew he was grinning. "You know it's me, John. It's Chas, John."

John thought to the Holy Shotgun, sitting on his bedside table. "Chas is dead."

"You've seen the dead before, John."

John only stared. It couldn't be his Chas, it couldn't be. His Chas was dead. But then... he wanted to believe this was Chas. He had longed for the boy, and now he was here before him, he was refusing him.

"For fuck's sake, John." Then it happened. There was a sudden flash of bright light from the corner and John made out Chas, still innocent and smiling, his hair still hanging in his face, wearing old jeans and a black t-shirt, ruffling wings sprouting from his back.

"Half-breed asshole," John murmured, a real smile spreading across his face for the first time in a long while.

And then John was in Chas' arms, holding the boy close. His wings had vanished but John could tell he was holding a part angel.

"Chas," he whispered, crying.

He looked up, staring, all the new feelings for the boy at the front of his mind as Chas looked down at him, apparently unaware of this love. John wanted to tell him, but knew he couldn't.

"Chas-"

"John, just shut the fuck up, there'll be time for questions in the morning," grinned Chas.

"But Chas-"

"Let's get you to sleep, John," said Chas quietly.


	9. nine

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reviewing! It means a lot to me to know people actually read and enjoy what I write.

Another soppy chapter. Another apology for OOC-ness but again, John is in love with Chas, who has been dead for two weeks. How would you react? Please enjoy and review!

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Bacon.

John opened his eyes slowly, his head hurting. Bright sunlight poured in his bedroom window and the scent of frying bacon and tea was thick on the air, a comforting blanket, and John blinked in confusion.

Then he remembered. Chas.

It had been a dream. It had to have been a dream.

He sat up in bed, and realised he was in his boxers once more. If Chas was here, he had seen John in his underwear. It had happened many times before, but with the knowledge of his new love for the teen angel, a blush entered his pale cheeks.

"Fuck it, John. You don't even know he's back. It was a dream." He muttered angrily to himself.

The door opened. "Morning, John." Despite the already bright light in the room, Chas seemed to glow as he entered, the angelic image of his soft curls and eyes boosted by the tray of bacon sandwiches and cup of tea in his hands.

"Chas," John whispered.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, John," Chas said with a cocked eyebrow, smiling slightly, coming over to the bed and handing him the sandwiches. He placed the tea on the cabinet beside.

John could only stare. All he felt for the boy welled up inside of him and threatened to spill out. He busied himself with a sandwich, taking a large bite. Chas smiled down at him, making the hairs on his neck stand up.

"So, you want explanations, John?" Chas asked.

There was a long pause. John set the tray down and looked at Chas, his heart racing. "No... not now. Chas- can I have a-a hug?"

Chas looked startled, but sat down on the bed beside John and silently wrapped his arms around him.


	10. ten

**Author's Note: **I have this story written out up to Chapter 24. Yeah. And even there it's no where near finished. It gets darker before it gets lighter.

Here's another chapter for your reading and reviewing pleasure.

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John woke a long time later. He was quite alone in his room, but could hear the vague noises of Chas bustling about in the kitchen. He blinked and found his head hurt. Either Chas was real, or John had finally gone quite insane.

Either way, it posed quite a problem.

John knew he was totally smitten with his angel apprentice. He longed to rush into the kitchen and kiss him, see how he liked that. The problem was, it wasn't that simple. Chas would be completely freaked out.

John wondered why Chas was back. There had to be a reason.

He climbed out of bed, pulling on his shirt, tie and trousers slowly, feeling there was a good reason to look smart. Running his fingers through his hair, he walked into the kitchen.

Chas was washing up. He looked up and John and smiled. "Still your slave, John."

John fought his new found cravings. "You aren't my slave, Chas, you're my much-appreciated apprentice."

"Hell yeah," Chas grinned. Then his smile faded. "Head hurting, John?"

John nodded as Chas filled a glass and dropped aspirin into it. He handed the fizzing glass to him and smiled.

"Thanks, Chas."

"No problem." Chas gently pushed John into a chair. "Now, explanation time. They sent me back to sort your life out. The world needs you, John Constantine."

"Sure, kid." John swigged the water.

"I'm serious, John," Chas replied.

John smiled bitterly, knowing there was only one thing that could make him feel better.


	11. eleven

**Author's Note: **No reviews -sad- but still updating anyway. If you're reading this please please please drop me a review. If interest doesn't seem to increase, I might abandon this story. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

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John watched in despair as Chas poured all of the alcohol down the sink.

"Fuck, Chas!" he shouted.

Chas only looked superior. "No, John. The Devil took away your cancer, and it's one thing giving up the smoking, but killing yourself through drink is equally stupid, John."

"Go to Hell." John wanted to punch Chas, and kiss him at the same time. These new feelings were hard to deal with.

"You ungrateful asshole," Chas responded bleakly.

John blinked. He had missed Chas, but had forgotten about this side of their relationship completely, the bickering, the arguments. Now they hurt his heart, but apparently Chas didn't notice.

"Leave me alone, Chas."

Chas glared at him. "It can easily be arranged, John."

John didn't know what to say. He didn't want to lose Chas. The boy was only trying to help. Throwing him a filthy glance, John stomped back to his bedroom, slamming the door, throwing himself down on the bed.

This love was hard. John had to tell Chas. But how could he do it without scaring Chas away?

Perhaps it would be better to keep it to himself.

But it was eating him up inside.

John swallowed. Anger was welling up, but only tears threatened to escape. He was an idiot. An idiot in love with a half-breed angel. And there was nothing he could do.

Nothing.


	12. twelve

**Author's Note: **YAY reviews. This story is currently written all the way up to chapter 33. So don't worry about it ending too soon. Enjoy, and review!

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"Still in a huff, John?"

It was nearing darkness. John looked up from his bed, saw Chas leaning casually against the doorframe. Struggling to fight his new cravings, he forced himself to look away disdainfully.

"Don't be like that, John," Chas said. "I'm only trying to help."

John sighed. "I know."

"You've become so strange, John."

"I always was strange."

Chas sat down beside John, looked at him deeply, making John's heart race. "I mean... I don't know, John. It's like one minute you want to hold me so tightly, the next minute you want to punch me..." The hurt look in the boy's eyes made him look vunerable and confused.

"I know how you feel," John sighed again.

For a moment, they just looked at each other. There was no doubt left in John now; he loved Chas. Chas, however, appeared both unaware of this and as though he felt entirely differently.

"To sort out your life, I need to know what's wrong," Chas said. "Tell me, John."

John blinked. Here was a perfect opportunity to spill his heart to Chas, to confess how he felt, but he chose not to take it. "No, Chas. Just leave me."

Chas glared. "I'll get it out of you."

"Whatever you say, asshole," John murmured, rolling over sleepily. He jumped at the feeling of Chas' soft hand on his cheek briefly, before Chas rose and headed to the door.

"Goodnight, John."

John fought the urge to cry.


	13. thirteen

**Author's Note: **No reviews make Nicole a sad bunny. Everyone should review!  
This is probably the most soppy chapter thus far. Hope you enjoy it...

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John was up and dressed very early the next day. His had been a restless sleep.

He went into the kitchen, and saw Chas. The half-breed was sitting at the table, slumped, head in his arms. He was snoring. A golden beam of sunlight shone through the window, making his curls shine attractively. John smiled.

For a long time he just stood watching the boy. He looked so angelic, so sweet.

John busied himself with the kettle. Maybe it was time to repay the boy for all his hard work. Maybe it was time to say sorry. But it wasn't time to confess he loved Chas. John sighed.

Sipping his tea slowly, John leaned against the counter, watching Chas sleep.

There wasn't a single imperfection in the boy's face. His skin was flawless, his nose perfect, his lips plump and pink. John felt a dry hunger at the back of his throat. He wanted to kiss those lips.

He hesitated.

Placing the tea down on the counter, he crossed over to Chas, crouching down beside him.

The boy slumbered on. John reached out gingerly, tracing a gentle finger across those lips, shocked at their softness. He smiled.

Nothing moved for a few moments. Caught in the beam of sunlight falling on Chas, John felt complete. He wanted this boy to love him, love John as John loved him. John knew this would never happen- how could it?

"Chas..." he whispered.

Then he replaced his finger with his lips, resting them against those soft angelic ones ever so lightly. He drew back quickly.

Chas was still asleep. He stirred slightly and murmured, "John..."

But still he slept on.


	14. fourteen

**Author's Note: **YAY one review made Nicole a happy author, who updated as soon as she saw it in her inbox. Groovy. Enjoy and please review. Please!

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John was over by the counter, making more tea, when Chas woke up.

The boy looked blearily over at him, lifting his head slightly, looking confused. "John...?"

"Morning, Chas." John tried to sound as bright as possible. "Want some tea?"

"Tea?" Chas sat up, scratching his curls in confusion. He stood up suddenly. "John, is everything alright? Do you need some help?" He looked genuinely worried, an expression John found adorable.

"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?" John couldn't hide a grin as he poured some tea for Chas.

"Just you're up so early..." Chas yawned and sat back down.

John laughed, crossing over to the table and placing the mug down before Chas, who sipped it gratefully. John sat down opposite him, smiling fondly.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you now, John?" Chas asked.

"I told you last night. No." John shifted uncomfortably.

Chas shrugged. "Well, there's an easy way and a hard way, John."

"Drink your tea," instructed John, though he was smiling.

Chas did so, slowly and delicately. He looked at John through his thick eyelashes, a strange gleam in his eyes. "I had... such a strange dream..." he muttered, more to himself than to John.

John smiled sadly.


	15. fifteen

**Author's Note: **Still very little interest seems to be being shown to this story. I don't know what to do... I don't know if I'm going to keep updating it. Hmm. Please leave a review for this chapter, if you read it, just so that I can get an idea.

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Tidying his room had been Chas' idea. Chas had said it would help get his life in order. It seemed like quite an interesting idea to John, but now he was doing it, he was starting to regret agreeing to it.

The late afternoon sun fell on a cardboard box in his arms. He recognised it instantly, though it had been stashed under his bed for many years.

John knew it was full of pictures he had drawn in Ravenscar.

He swallowed. He was confused enough already without going through this.

"No," he growled, pushing it back under his bed.

Stupid Chas. What did he know?

John cradled his head in his hands, sitting on the edge of his bed. His head was spinning, fighting back the memories of Ravenscar which threatened to overwhelm him.

"John, why have you stopped?" Chas appeared in the doorway.

John glared at him.

"What happened?" Chas asked, his voice suddenly soft, as though he could see the pain John was feeling. "John?"

"Nothing." John sighed. "Well... I found a box... Ravenscar..."

Chas walked over to him quickly, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, John, I forgot."

"It's alright," John shrugged, comforted at the feel of Chas' hand on his shoulder. "I have to face it sometime."

Chas knelt down beside him, unnervingly close. Without speaking, he took John's hands, pushing his shirt sleeves up slowly. John stared, transfixed, as Chas revealed the scars on his wrists. Tears filled the angel's eyes, dropping down onto the scars. John's wrists tingled, and as he stared the scars faded, finally disappearing.

"Chas..." he breathed.

Chas smiled sadly. "Don't mention it."


	16. sixteen

**Author's Note: **YAY reviews. I nearly died from surprise... joking! Well I hope you enjoy this chapter if you're reading. Please leave a review and I will love you.

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The sun had just set when Chas found John in the bathroom.

John had been sitting, thinking, staring at his scarless arms. He had to tell Chas how he felt... but he couldn't.

Chas had appeared carrying a bottle of rum.

"I thought angels were above the mortal pleasure of alcohol," John quipped.

Chas only smiled serenely. "Drink with me, John."

John cocked an eyebrow, standing up suspiciously. "I thought you poured all the alcohol down the sink."

"Then I decided I'd been a little rash. So I obtained some more. And now I'd like to drink with you, John, to show there are no hard feelings." Chas smiled innocently.

John stared at him.

"Come on, John," Chas persisted. "Won't you get some strange kick from getting an angel drunk?"

John raised his other eyebrow. Now there was an idea.

"What do you say, John? Alright?"

John smiled. "Alright, Chas."

Chas grinned back and slipped a casual arm around John's shoulders that made him tingle all over as the boy steered him into the kitchen. John had no idea what he had planned, but he knew something big was definately going to happen.

"To John Constatine," toasted Chas.

John nodded, smiling a little, taking a glass from him.


	17. seventeen

**Author's Note: **_Reviews!_ I love you guys. Oh yes I do. And now for some drunk action, as requested... reviews appreciated...

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The world blurred, and John was vaguely aware that there was something wrong with his rum. He had only had one or two mouthfuls when he started to feel incredibly weird.

Chas sat on the sofa beside him, sipping his own, apparently without problem. His smile was big.

"Chas..." John tried to speak, but his tongue felt like cotton wool.

Chas grinned. "Sorry, old friend, but I had to get you to speak somehow."

The rum was addicting, reassuring, and John had some more without thinking. All around were blurs, and he gripped the sofa tightly to keep from falling over. Chas was all there was, sitting before him, looking a little drunk.

Chas was laughing.

"Gonna hate me in the morning, huh, John?"

"I... could... never hate you," John said automatically.

Chas blinked, then drank some more rum.

"John."

"Hm?"

"I hate to have to ask you this after I've drugged you to make you tell the truth- well, actually, I don't, John, that was the point really- but what's going on, John?"

"You say John a whole shitload don't you?" John laughed.

There was a blur. The world slipped sideways and John was aware that the glass flew out of his hands. Chas was holding his shoulders, his face inches from John's.

"John- what's wrong in your life?"

Those soft pink lips moved and John couldn't fight it. He was kissing Chas, hard but not fiercely, and through his drugged state he felt a strange glow. And... and Chas was kissing him back, their tongues working together.

Then everything went black.


	18. eighteen

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews. Did you know that I've currently written up to Chapter 38 of this, and that that is nearly the ending? Well.  
Anyway, more Chas and John goodness for you. Find out the aftermath of their drunken kiss...

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Pain.

John opened his eyes slowly, his head absolutely throbbing. He was lying on his back, on his bed.

He didn't move for a moment, trying to remember what had happened last night. Drugs... Chas had drugged him! Anger flooded through John's veins, making his blood boil. He sat up, determined to confront- and possibly punch- the half-breed. How dare he?

John saw he was still in his shirt and tie and pants. Most of last night he couldn't remember. He had no idea how he had reached the bed.

He marched angrily towards the door, then froze as another memory washed over him, the hot replaced by cold.

A kiss.

He had kissed Chas. He blinked. Now Chas would definately know how he felt.

On the other hand, John had been drugged. He could always blame it on that. Yes... yes, that would work.

Then, John remembered more. Chas had kissed him back.

A spark of hope ignited inside him. He had never before considered the possibility that Chas felt the same.

On the other hand, Chas had been drunk. That explained it.

Shaking his head to clear it, John tugged the door open.

"Chas!" he roared.

Chas was standing at the sink, today wearing a white shirt as opposed to a black one. Caught in a beam of sunlight, he looked more like an angel than ever. Slowly, as though he were terrified, he raised his face to see John.

"Morning, John..."


	19. nineteen

**Author's Note: **Yay, Nicole likes reviews. Glad you're enjoying this! John is, in my opinion, a bit too angry in this chapter, so don't say I didn't warn you.

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John stood still in the doorway, breathing heavily. Through his anger, he had a strong urge to push Chas up against the counter, kiss him hard and have his way with the boy. This must be the effect of kissing Chas once.

"Let me explain, John..." Chas begged quietly, his soft eyes showing his fear.

"I could _kill_ you, Chas!" John roared.

Chas apparently resisted the urge to point out that he was already dead, and took an automatic step backwards as John strode forward.

"Now, John-" Chas began, arms raised defensively, but John grabbed him by the shoulders and lifted him clean off the ground, so their faces were level.

Looking away from the boy's lips, John glared. "Now, you'd better fucking explain."

Chas closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, John. I drugged you. I needed to get the truth out of you."

"You drugged me," John repeated coldly.

"I had to, John."

"Well, did you get the information you wanted out of me?" John asked, dreading the answer, in case it had anything to do with the kiss.

"No, I didn't, you blacked out, John." Chas went a little pink as he spoke, and John knew he was deliberately missing the kiss out of his reply.

John snorted. He let Chas fall to the floor, so angry he didn't even care that Chas could be hurt, and stormed back to his room.


	20. twenty

**Author's Note: **Yay, we're now pretty much at the half-way point for this story. Thanks to everyone for their continued interest. It means a lot to me.

&&&&&&&

"John."

It was mid-morning, and John was sitting on his bed, staring at the floor. He didn't look up at the sound of Chas' voice.

"John, please look at me."

John sat stock still. How could he look at Chas?

"John," said Chas, sounding quite sorrowful, but he didn't say anything after this, merely crossed to the bedside table and placed a glass of fizzing water there.

"Aspirin." John spoke suddenly, abruptly, touched a little. He glanced up at Chas.

"Yes. I'm sorry, John." Chas ran a hand through his wayward curls, and John noticed the bloody cut on his eyebrow.

He rose automatically, his anger forgotten at the sight of Chas' injury. "Chas..." John walked towards Chas, but this time Chas didn't move or flinch. Slowly, John traced a finger along the cut, blinking.

"It happened when you dropped me, John," Chas explained quietly, eyes deep.

John, struggling to fight the urge to gently kiss the cut, tried to say sorry. Sorry was a word John Constantine had never learned to say, though he knew he owed a thousand apologies to one Chas Kramer.

"It's alright," Chas said, as though he could read John's thoughts.

If only he could. John wondered what it would be like to spill his feelings right now. He swallowed. "Just promise me one thing, kid."

"What's that, John?"

"No more drugs, Chas."

Chas, to his surprise, grinned wickedly. "I promise. I'll just think of another way to get it out of you."

John threw a pillow at him, but couldn't hide a smile.


	21. twenty one

**Author's Note: **Ooo reviews. I love you all. Keep them coming!

&&&&&&&

"How's your head?" Chas asked, popping his head around John's door a little later that day.

"Better." John was sitting on his bed, polishing the Holy Shotgun. He looked up at Chas, glad to see the teen's wonderful face smiling at him.

"Good." Chas hesitated, nervously.

"Chas, what is it?" John asked, feeling concerned at the vunerable look on the boy's face.

Chas stepped forward, into the room, twisting his fingers together nervously. Somewhere inside his chest, hope stirred in John. Again there was that spark of hope. Again he fought it down.

Chas sat down on the floor in front of John, his legs crossed like a little boy. He looked up earnestly. "I wanted to talk to you. About last night..."

And then John knew what he was on about. Setting the Shotgun down, he sighed heavily. "The kiss."

"John..." Chas was looking at the ground, a wonderful shade of magenta.

John cringed. Chas was embarrassed about kissing him. He quickly decided how best to deal with this. "Yeah, I remember, Chas. I think the drugs had a funny effect." He forced a short laugh.

Chas nodded, still looking down. "Yeah, me too, John." Then he cleared his throat and stood up. He headed for the door. "Yeah, just wanted to... yeah... later, John..."

"Chas!" John called, as the boy reached the door. Chas froze, but John needed to ask. "Chas, you... you kissed me back, I remember that too."

"I was drunk," said Chas in a funny voice.

John felt his hope melt as the boy walked out, closing the door.


	22. twenty two

**Author's Note: **Yay, I love reviews (as you may have guessed). Anyway, things get a bit worse now... Review please.

&&&&&&&

John woke at 3am.

He hadn't spoken to Chas since their brief discussion about the kiss that afternoon, and had gone to bed early.

He turned over, the softness of his duvet brushing his bare torso and legs comfortably, and he wondered what had woken him up. Best just to go back to sleep, probably...

Then he heard it. A woman giggling in the next room.

He sat bolt upright, chest rising and falling rapidly. Someone had broken in! Then... then another idea occured to him, one which made his heart wilt. Chas... and a woman... no...

John staggered out of bed, sparing no thought for the fact he was only in his boxers, and hurried to the door, wrenching it open, speeding to the kitchen, then freezing.

In the half-light, he could make out the voluptuous outline of a blonde woman. She was dressed only in a silky blue slip, black high heeled shoes and a trenchcoat abandoned on the floor. And the worst thing? Chas had her pushed up against the counter, trailing kisses along her collarbone, one hand on her thigh.

The woman noticed John first. Her blue eyes fell on him and her red mouth opened in surprise. "Chandler, Chandler, baby, there's someone here," she said huskily to Chas.

Chas laughed. "It's Chas... Chas Kramer, asshole..." he slurred.

Great, Chas was fucking drunk. John didn't know if that made it better or worse. All he knew was that his heart ached as he stood, frozen, horrified.

"Baby, look," urged the woman.

"Chantelle, honey, less... less words," Chas moaned.

She pushed him back a little as he lunged for her face. "There's a man!" she persisted.

"Yes, there is," said John, speaking for the first time. He addressed Chantelle. "Hi, my name's John, I'm not the nicest guy you'll ever meet and I'm seriously pissed off right now."

Chas froze.


	23. twenty three

**Author's Note: **Lol, here's another 'half-chapter'. Oh, I am mean. Keep the reviews coming!

&&&&&&&

John noticed for the first time that Chas was shirtless as he slowly looked around, horrified. He stepped away from the woman automatically.

"John-" he began, urgently.

"Don't fucking speak to me," John growled. He looked at Chantelle. "You- are you a prostitute?"

Slowly, she nodded. She appeared scared, though not as much as Chas.

"Are you owed money?" John asked.

She shook her head. "Is this- I mean, should I leave now?"

"Get the hell out of my apartment, lady," John said coldly.

Chantelle didn't wait to be asked twice. She hastily pulled on her trenchcoat and shoes, looking confusedly between the two men. Chas was staring, ashamed, at the sink. John couldn't look at him.

He walked Chantelle to the door. He opened it and jerked his head.

"Don't be too angry with him," she said suddenly, in a tiny voice, as she left. "I mean- he was sad, and drunk-"

John shut the door in her face.

He didn't want to return to the kitchen, face Chas, but what choice was there? Sighing, he walked back through. Chas was still standing perfectly still.

"Let me explain, John," he begged.


	24. twenty four

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! I love you guys. It gets violent in this chapter, just a warning.

&&&&&&&

"Shut the fuck up, Chas!" John surprised even himself, roaring the words.

Chas didn't move. John bit his lip. He wanted Chas to be sad, wanted the angel to be sad like he, the great John Constantine, was- bitter and broken-hearted. He wanted to punch Chas, he really did.

But Chas just stood still.

John wrung his hands. "I mean, what the _hell _is wrong with you, Chas Kramer?"

Chas looked at him then, a strange edge to his voice. "With me, John?" He walked towards John, shaking his head. "What's wrong with you, John? I'm not the one who needs an angel to fix-"

John didn't know how it happened. All he knew was one moment Chas was standing in front of him, talking, the next moment, John's fist was colliding with the angel's nose with a loud, horrifyingly satisfying crunch.

John stepped back, hating himself already, as Chas crumpled to the floor, one hand over his face.

He had done it now. He cursed himself a thousand times as Chas whimpered, shocked, horrified.

"Chas-" he whispered, but Chas didn't hear him.

"I hate you!" Chas was screaming, shouting, looking up at John. There was blood everywhere, too much to take in, and the crimson covered his hands, his face, his torso. "Fuck you, John Constantine!"

His words made John's soul die. "Fuck you, Chas!" he growled back, and returned to his room.

John wouldn't admit it to anyone, but nestled in the covers of his bed, he cried himself to sleep, now completely empty, his love for Chas as great as ever, but his once sparking hope now as lost as a black hole.


	25. twenty five

**Author's Note: **If it was a solution to the problem you guys wanted... well, sorry! Read on, and review!

&&&&&&&

When John went into the kitchen the next morning, Chas was nowhere to be seen. John's stomach dropped a few inches in horror. He had lost the angel. He had lost Chas again.

John made coffee carelessly. Now what did he do? He had been sure Chas was going to stick around forever, help him, move his life forward. Now he was stuck.

He sat down at the table, shaking.

There was a note stuck to a bottle of orange squash. John reached out, and with trembling fingers, detached it, raising it to his eyes to read.

A wave of cold washed over him. He recognised the messy scrawl instantly.

"Chas," he whispered.

_I've gone to Heaven.  
You can go to Hell, asshole.  
Chas_

John just stared at it.

Then he made his mind up. What else was there to do? Even Chas was against him.

John made his way to the bathroom, no longer shaking. He felt a sense of inner calm at his decision. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door, sitting down on the side of the bath and reaching out for a metal tin on the counter.

He opened it and pulled out a razor blade. It shone silver in the light, and he smiled up at it.

Back to Hell. This time, for good.


	26. twenty six

**Author's Note: **Okay, fixing in progress, my reviewing darlings. Random fact of the day: this story is complete. I've typed it all out, and it's sitting on a floppy disc at the moment. It goes to forty chapters. Anyway, enjoy this update, and please review!

&&&&&&&

He rolled up his sleeves, examining for a moment those scar-free wrists. He remembered the sight of Chas crying on them with a painful pang in his chest.

This was it.

He lowered the razorblade to his arm.

Then a hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and tugged it away. The person standing behind John held both of his arms firmly. John growled, and flipped the person out the bath and over his back. The razorblade went flying, and the other person grabbed onto John's shirt to stop from falling over. John wrestled them to the floor.

"John!" came a muffled cry.

John froze, leaning back on his legs, and saw the slightly rumpled form of Chas lying on the floor underneath him, his curls askew, creases in his red t-shirt. His face was unreadable.

John adjusted his tie calmly. "Hello, Chas."

"Are you fucking retarded?" Chas demanded, panting. "What were you going to do, John?"

"Go to Hell, like you told me to do," John replied, realising that he wasn't really surprised that Chas had appeared.

Chas was quiet for a moment. "No," he said softly.

John blinked, then he sat down beside Chas. Chas glared at the ceiling, and John realised he was still hurt from the punch, which had really been quite uncalled for. He longed to take the boy's hand but he wondered how Chas would react. Instead, he rested his hand gently on Chas' arm.

"Chas." John swallowed. Sorry was a word he just couldn't say... but he had to... "I'm... I'm so, so s-sorry for punching you last night."

Chas didn't say anything. Instead he sat up and wrapped his arms around John's torso, burying his face into his chest. John felt his spark of hope reignite as he took the angel into his arms.


	27. twenty seven

**Author's Note: **Yes, more cuddly smush in this chapter, but how long do you reckon it's gonna last? Keep reviewing and I'll keep loving!

&&&&&&&

John awoke sometime later, and blinked. Bathed in sunlight, he was leaning against the bath, legs stretched out. Chas was still asleep, lying in John's arms, his head on his chest. John sighed. This was the way it should always be. If only John could tell Chas how he felt. Maybe Chas even felt the same. Maybe he could just accept it anyway.

But John knew he could never tell Chas.

"John..." murmured Chas, stirring. His soft eyes flickered open, and he looked up at John.

"Are you going to stay this time?" John asked.

Chas smiled sleepily. "I still haven't found out what's wrong with you. So of course."

John rolled his eyes and stood up, tugging Chas up easily, and yet neither of them moved from their comfortable embrace. "Er, breakfast, Chas?"

Chas nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll make it." He moved away from John, heading for the door.

"No! Chas... let me. I owe you. I owe you for everything. When you were alive, you did so much for me, and I never, never said thank you. I know I have a long way to go in thanking you for everything, but let me make you breakfast as a start. Thank you, Chas." John had surprised even himself.

"What did you just say?" Chas sounded disbelieving.

"I... I said..." John found it hard to say the words consciously.

Chas smiled. "I heard you, it's okay, I was just shocked, John."

"Oh. Okay then." John paused. "Thanks kid."

Chas was wearing an odd expression on his face. His eyes held John's for a moment and John felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him. "You're welcome, John, but I can't accept you making breakfast for me."

"Why not?"

Chas grinned a little. "Because your cooking sucks, John."


	28. twenty eight

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the length of time before this update, hope it's worth the wait! Only 11 chapters to go now. Please review!

&&&&&&&

As John sat at the kitchen table, watching Chas fry eggs and bacon, he remembered that he had realised a few days ago he needed to say thank you and sorry to Chas. Thank you had been accomplished.

"Ketchup?" Chas asked.

John jerked out of his trance suddenly. "Er... yes, okay."

He watched as Chas spread it neatly out onto the bread, then piled everything into it. Breakfast sandwiches. Deliciously unhealthy. Chas placed the plate down in front of John with a mug of tea.

"You alright, John?" he asked, sitting down with his own mug and a slice of toast.

John nodded, chewing in silence.

"You seem preoccupied," Chas persisted.

Swallowing, John finally spoke. "I suppose I am."

It happened suddenly. Chas reached out and put his hand on top of John's. John felt like a jolt of electricity had passed up his arm, and he felt himself go red.

"Sorry, John..." Chas muttered, moving his hand. "Know you're not fond of being touched..."

And John couldn't contradict him, say how badly he wanted to be touched by Chas.

"I suppose I want to say sorry," John said painfully, deciding to act like the hand-thing had never happened. "For being an arsehole all the time you were alive. I didn't deserve a friend like you."

Chas sighed. "It's alright, John," he said softly.


	29. twenty nine

**Author's Note: **Sorry I haven't updated in so long! However, things are looking up for the guys in this chapter, so maybe that will lead to my forgiveness? Review!

&&&&&&&

Outside, it had begun to rain. The air crackled with electricity, promising a huge storm. It made John tense, like something was going to happen.

Chas was washing up, humming. It made John glow inside.

"Chas," John said suddenly. "Can I ask you something?"

Chas looked round. "Sure, John."

"About that prostitute..."

Colour flooded into Chas' cheeks. He looked back to the dishes. "What about her?"

John felt uncomfortable and was starting to regret bringing it up. "Well... _why_, Chas?"

"_Why_, John?" Chas repeated. "I needed affection from somewhere, since you were just being a stand-off-ish asshole as usual. I'm used to it, but it doesn't mean I don't crave attention of some kind."

For some reason, the boy's words caused that spark of hope again. They also stung. "Chas..."

"It's alright, John," Chas said quietly.

John wanted to go up behind Chas and hold him so tightly. Instead, he remained sitting, tapping the table.

"What you thinking, John?"

John smiled sadly. "Nothing, Chas."

Silence fell, and outside the sun began to set. The spark grew in John, and so did the feeling that something was going to happen.


	30. thirty

**Author's Note: **Quick update, see? Haha, it's to thank you all for your reviews- god you guys make me happy! Anyway, it's all kicking off now...

&&&&&&&

"You alright, John?"

John looked up, startled, from the newspaper he had been reading on his bed. Chas had appeared in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest seriously.

"Yeah, fine, why?" John asked. He had been thinking about Chas, and how to deal with the situation.

"You're being quiet, and nice, John," Chas grinned. "It's weird."

John couldn't help smiling back, glowing. "Thanks kid."

Chas shuffled. "What you doing, John?"

John remembered something he had thought when he was drugged. "You say John a lot, Chas," he observed.

Outside the storm broke.

"Yeah, well," Chas said quietly, going red.

"Chas?" asked John, the glow suddenly growing rapidly. He rose quickly.

Chas shook his head, looking quite lost. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, then said, "Forget it, John."

He turned and headed for the door, looking quite defeated. And John thought he knew. He couldn't let this moment go. He hurried to Chas and grabbed his arm.

"Talk, Chas," he ordered.


	31. thirty one

**Author's Note: **UPDATE! I love you guys, thanks for your reviews. And yes, something definately does happen in this chapter...

&&&&&&&

"I just like saying John," Chas said desperately, holding John's gaze nervously. "It's... a nice name, you know, John? Makes me... makes me happy..."

John lowered his eyebrows. "That wasn't a great explanation." He had an urge to forget words, but it didn't seem wise.

"I..." Chas looked around as lightning flashed outside, then spoke. "John, what right do you have to ask questions when you won't even answer one simple one from me? What the hell is wrong in your life?"

"Chas..."

Chas seemed to be getting mad. "Come on, John, I have a right to know. That's why I'm missing out on my afterlife, to find out."

"I don't want to talk about it." John shrugged.

"You're not being fair," Chas replied, angrily.

John felt himself getting just as mad. "Then ask Them to assign somebody else."

It was with a huge crash of thunder that Chas replied. "_They_ didn't assign it. Nobody did. I chose to come down here, John." And now there were tears in the angel's eyes.

"You... what? Why?"

Chas pulled away from John, tears rolling down his face as he shouted, "Why do you think, you asshole? Are you fucking blind? Why did you think I stuck round all the time when you were alive? It wasn't because you were nice to me, John, because you fucking weren't." He shook his head. "I'm fucking in _love_ with you, John."

John froze. The words he had longed to hear had just been said. But he had a funny feeling, a horrible feeling, he was losing Chas instead of gaining him. "Chas-"

"No, John, I don't care if you think it's sick or wrong! I'm going for a fucking walk. I need to get away from you."

And with that he stormed out.


	32. thirty two

**Author's Note: **Ah, angsty John goodness. Remember to review.

&&&&&&&

For a long time after the door had slammed, John had stood very still. Chas loved him... Chas loved him. And now he was angry at him, now he thought John didn't want him.

What if Chas decided to go to Heaven? What if John never got a chance to talk to him?

There was nothing else to do. He hadn't been out in a long time, but he loved Chas. He couldn't risk losing him. Outside, the sky roared threateningly. John breathed out slowly.

Then he was moving quickly, snatching his long black coat up and slipping into it, feeling strange wearing it after so long. He ran to the bathroom, snatching a razorblade, just in case he had to get Chas to come to him. Then he headed for the door, panting.

"God, I know I'm not one of your favourite children," he muttered, "but I'd really appreciate some help on this one."

And then there was a flash of lightning. John didn't know if this was a good or a bad omen but he had no time to think on it. He ran.

As he stumbled into the street, cold wind lashed around him. Rain stuck his hair to his face. He gasped, pulling his jacket around him, looking for Chas but seeing no sign of him.

"Fuck, Chas," he muttered, starting to run again.

It was lucky the weather was so bad. If it had been fine, many people may have seen a tall, mysterious, dark man running up the street, shouting loudly for 'Chas'. As it was, however, the place was pretty much deserted.

And still there was no sign of Chas.

"Chas!" John shouted, coming to a pause to catch his breath. Tears mingled with the rain on his face. "Fuck, Chas, come back..." Then his legs gave way. Then his shoulders began to shake.

The great John Constantine, the great fucking John Constantine, on his knees, was sobbing.


	33. thirty three

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reviewing! It means a whole lot to me. Almost there now, guys.

&&&&&&&

A hand appeared before him.

John looked up, and standing in the centre of the storm was Chas, offering John his hand. Chas didn't appear angry, or upset, or indeed emotional at all. He just looked impassive, and it made John worry.

"Take it, John."

John didn't move, he just remained still, examining Chas closely. The boy was perfect, from those soulful eyes to that adorable curly hair, to that cute nose. However, Chas was shivering, wearing only his t-shirt and jeans.

"Fucking take it, John," Chas repeated coldly.

Lightning flashed as John closed his fingers around the angel's slender ones. It was in that brief moment of contact that he knew he loved Chas more dearly than anything else, anything there ever could be.

Chas pulled John up. "Couldn't leave me alone for ten minutes, could you, John? Had to come and tell me how bloody disgusting you think I am..." He was trying to sound cold, but his words just sounded hurt.

"I don't think you're disgusting," said John quietly. "You're amazing, Chas."

Chas swallowed. "What do you mean?" he said in a hushed voice.

John couldn't fight his urges any longer. Standing out in the middle of a storm, drenched through, his lips touched Chas' softly, tenderly. Chas, shocked, didn't respond for a moment. Then somehow they fell into each other's arms, lips still locked. The kiss deepened. John never wanted it to end.

Finally, gasping, he pulled away, though remained holding the half-breed in his arms. "I love you, Chas," he whispered.

Chas didn't speak for a moment, then he smiled softly. "Let's get inside, John."


	34. thirty four

**Author's Note: **Nearly there now, and the question is... will it be a happy ending? Well, I know, you'll just have to find out! Keep reviewing please.

&&&&&&&

John and Chas had walked back to his apartment in content silence, occassionally exchanging warm glances. Finally they had tumbled into the door, Chas shivering.

"Are you alright?" John asked, as Chas scurried over to the radiator, huddling there.

Chas merely chattered his teeth in surprise. John made up his mind in an instant. Striding over to the angel half-breed, he took off his own jacket and wrapped the boy in it, then tenderly steered him towards the bathroom.

"Where... are w-we going, John?" Chas asked, shaking.

"You need a hot bath," John said firmly, closing the bathroom door behind them. He ignored Chas' deep blush at these words, and turned the taps on the bath, allowing it to fill up.

As it filled, he held the shaking bundle that was Chas, resting his face in those soaking, soft curls of hair. He sighed in contentment. He loved Chas, and Chas loved him. Everything was going to be alright.

When he had turned the taps off, leaving the bath full of warm water, he turned to Chas. "Come on, kid, you need to get out of those clothes."

Chas might have been freezing cold, but his cheeks were crimson as he replied, "W-what?"

John rolled his eyes, but carefully, slowly so as not to scare Chas, pulled his jacket off the boy, then pulled his soaking t-shirt away from his body. John briefly admired the toned chest before him, before Chas kicked off his shoes and dropped his pants, standing before John in boxers and socks.

"I'll leave if you want," John said softly.

Chas shook his head. "No." He finished undressing and then climbed into the bath, sighing adorably.

"Feel a bit better?" John asked, smiling.

"I love you, John," Chas replied, reaching for the shampoo.


	35. thirty five

**Author's Note: **Sorry I haven't updated in forever! I'm in the middle of exams. As you might know, this fic is actually finished, it's just a case of uploading chapters now. Please review!

&&&&&&&

After bathing, Chas returned to his boxers and was quickly tucked up in John's bed by John himself. It was night outside, and the storm had become more peaceful.

John undressed quickly, down to his own underwear, then climbed underneath the duvet beside Chas, clicking off the lamp. In the half-light, he could see Chas' curly head on the pillow beside him.

"John." Chas said the single word fondly, cuddling right up to John.

John wrapped his arms gingerly around Chas. He still couldn't believe this was happening. He held the boy as though he were fragile, as though he might break and then all of this would end.

"Are... are we just going to sleep?" Chas asked quietly.

John knew what Chas meant. He smiled. "Yes, Chas. Just sleep. You're too precious to me... I want to just lie in your arms for tonight, okay?"

Chas murmured, "That was very out of character for you, John..."

John felt his eyelids drooping. Sleep was coming, and he knew that he was going to have beautiful dreams.

"I love you, Chas," he said.

Chas kissed his bare chest affectionately. "I love you too, John."

John was tired, but he didn't go to sleep until he heard snoring from Chas. He chuckled to himself, kissed the top of his partner's head gently, then closed his eyes.

And everything, after so long, had righted itself in John Constantine's world.


	36. thirty six

**Author's Note: **There are a total of 40 chapters. Which means we're very nearly done. :-D Remember to leave a review!

&&&&&&&

"John! Open up, John!" The distant, female voice awoke John suddenly the next morning. He blinked. The room was filled with bright light, shining in the window, and Chas was sitting on the bottom of the bed, cross-legged, watching John.

John growled a little. "Chas... what the fuck is that noise?"

Chas adjusted his white shirt as there was frenzied knocking at the door to the apartment. "It's Angela Dodson, John."

"Fuck." John sat up, feeling oddly refreshed. "What shall I do, Chas?"

"Answer the door, please, she's giving me a headache."

John laughed grimly as he slid out of bed. "Stay out of sight," he told Chas, kissing his cheek briefly before walking to the entrance of his apartment.

He opened the door and looked out at Angela in distaste. Her hair was in a neat plait. She was dressed in a white jumper and black jeans.

"What, Angela?" he asked.

She shuffled. "John, we need to talk."

"Angela, I've said everything I had to say to you," he replied dully.

He pushed the door, but she slammed her hand up against it, stopping him closing it. He glared at her, and she glared back. For a long time, they stood like this, John hating Angela.

"You need _help_, John." She shook her head. "People heard you last night, running... shouting... screaming for Chas, in the storm."

John laughed without thinking. Then he realised the problem. "Angela, I'm not going back to Ravenscar. Not ever."

She opened her mouth to argue, then her expression became on of shock. "Ch-Chas!" she gasped out.

John looked round. Chas was standing behind him, looking stonily at Angela. Angela shook her head, apparently horrified.

"Oh- oh well," she said, her voice high. "Goodbye..."

And she walked off.


	37. thirty seven

**Author's Note: **Getting there, slowly. Review!

&&&&&&&

"She reacted weird when she saw you," John commented, coming into the kitchen after he had dressed. Chas was making breakfast.

"Yes, well, she's in love with you," Chas said, turning the bacon over. "She knows how you feel about me, and she knows that if I'm around she has no chance."

John came up behind Chas. "She has no chance anyway, I love _you_." He wrapped his arms around the angel's waist.

Chas sighed. "Yes... but John, what are you going to do when I'm gone?"

John froze. Horror slowly rushed through him. "Chas...?"

Chas spun around, shaking his head sadly. "I should have told you, John. I just couldn't stand to hurt you."

"You're... you're going back?" John asked, swallowing. There was a painful lump in his throat.

"I must, don't you see?" Chas asked. "I'm dead, John, and you're alive. You must live your life."

John felt tears in his eyes, but he was determined not to let them spill. "Chas... no, Chas. I want to live my life with you..."

"John, I'll be waiting for you," Chas replied, looking equally sad. "You have to live, John... the world needs you, and I'm just a problem."

"When... when are you going?"

Chas shuffled. "Soon."

"When's soon, Chas?" John was trying to stay calm, but it was becoming harder and harder with every second that passed.

A tear shone as it rolled down Chas' cheek slowly. "Tomorrow night, John."

And John Constantine's world, the one he had thought had finally fixed itself, came tumbling down around his ears.


	38. thirty eight

**Author's Note: **Nearly, nearly there. Hold on tight!

&&&&&&&

Most of the day was spent in Chas' arms. John never wanted to let go, and he knew he was going to have to. Outside, grey, drizzling rain pattered gently against the windows as they lay on the bed. No words were spoken for many hours, aside from whispered promises of love.

"Hungry, John?" Chas asked, breaking the silence.

John blinked. "What time is it?"

"Nearly seven, John."

John sighed painfully. So much time had gone. "I suppose so." He ached inside, but he knew it wasn't due to hunger. Chas held his hand as they went into the kitchen.

Chas began to make food. John just stood, gripping the angel's arm, numb.

"John..." Chas sighed. He glanced at his love. "Everything will be fine, you know. You have to let me go, John. The earth needs you."

John just looked at him. "But I love you." The words came out numbly, as though they could make a difference.

"I know. I love you. But don't you understand? I'm _dead_, John."

John didn't notice the tears splashing down his own face. "You're not, Chas! You're alive, you're breathing, speaking, your heart is beating..."

"I'm dead!" Chas replied, shaking his head.

John blinked, heartbroken. "No..."

Chas turned to John and held one of his hands, placing his other hand on John's chest. "John..." He smiled sadly, his own eyes becoming wet. "John, when I'm gone, I'll still be alive. I'll still be alive inside of you. Keep me right here."


	39. thirty nine

**Author's Note: **How long since I have updated? Too long! Anyway, there's only one chapter to go after this. Enjoy!

&&&&&&&

Moonlight spilled onto Chas through the bedroom window as John watched him from the bed, watched the perfect way he leaned against the doorframe. John thought he knew what was going to happen.

"Chas?"

"I..." Chas ran a hand through his curly hair, biting his lip. "John, I... I mean..."

"Is this what you want?" John asked, standing up, trying to smile comfortingly. He went over to Chas, taking his trembling fingers and brushing his lips across them.

Chas blinked. He closed his eyes and nodded.

Then the two men were kissing, kissing hard, kissing fiercely. It bruised their lips but still they kissed, Chas pinned up against the wall, John's hands going everywhere they could reach.

"Wait..." Chas groaned.

John leaned back, waiting for Chas.

"I love you, John." Chas slipped his own shirt off, then cupped John's face in his hands, kissing him.

John moaned into his mouth, surprising himself, then felt the other man's hands fumbling with his shirt buttons. A few moments later, they were both topless, kissing. Then, they were naked, falling to the bed.

"Chas..." John looked into the man's eyes, seeing tears there. "What's wrong?"

"I'm having the time of my life," Chas said softly, with a wet smile. "But I'm dead."

"Not to me."

"I love you." Chas sighed.

John laughed happily. "I love _you_."

Then their lips met, hot and passionate...


	40. forty

**Author's Note: **The ending! Thank you to everyone who has read this, reviewed this. You all made it possible. I don't know if I'm going to write a sequel or not, but it won't be in the near future if I do. Review one last time!

&&&&&&&

The next day dawned fresh and bright, but it passed in a beautiful blur. Night came swiftly, like a knife to John's chest. He was with Chas until the last moments, holding him so close, crying a little, kissing and hugging as much as he could.

"It is time," Chas said softly.

He rose, standing in front of the bedroom window, a dark shape against the setting sun. The effect was beautiful, and John was aware for the first time that Chas really was lost to him, a being too pure to be with John in this life.

"If you really need me, I will come," Chas promised. "But, John, you must _live, _truly live. You are the great John Constantine, and I promise you, you can do anything."

John felt strangely calm. He stood up and took the angel's hands. "I promise I'll live for you."

"No, John." Chas smiled, a pearly tear running down his cheek, which already looked less solid, more perfect. "Live for _you_."

And then John understood, then everything seemed to make sense.

"I've had the time of my life," he whispered, closing his eyes, pressing his lips against Chas', feeling that beautiful silky softness one last time.

Then they were kissing, their love shared between their mouths, completely entwined.

John felt like something entered him. A glow spread from his mouth to his toes, brightening him, filling him, warming him. The glow was love, pure love, a glow of something beautiful that had never truly known John before.

John opened his eyes. Chas was gone.

Peace. Chas had left John with peace.

**The End.**


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